How long is long enough?
What is ok to have an attachment to ?
How do I let go of things?
What should I keep and what should I let go?
These are some of the things I have been grappling with these last couple of days.
We have been trying to come up with a new solution to space in our home.....it is 6 1/2 years since our Taylor left us and we have not done much with her room ..that is until this weekend.....
We came to the idea that I should move from my purpose built space in the middle of the house down to Taylor's room..
I was fine with that as I could see myself in front of the big window looking out over the garden..I liked the idea of being able to close the door when a project was in full flight, hiding the mess inspiration....
I was even looking forward to being in her space and doing what I love best ..creating....
What I didn't expect was how hard it was going to be moving ,sorting ,packing up and parting with the last of her things.....
I found myself in the middle of the move almost paralysed with emotion not knowing how to move ahead with this reshuffle.
Derek suggested I do a little at a time...but I had created a mess from one end of the house to the other now I needed to keep going....
I love my new space even as small and crowded as it is (due to the amount of stuff I have tucked in there and the things I convinced myself just had to stay in there) .
I just need to look from a different angle and see the potential for the creating with her memory around me rather from the guilt of changing her space and parting with things that were hers...
I love that the room is still purple and her butterfly's still hang around over head.....I need to remind myself that just because we change things that were, doesn't mean that we will forget what was.
I am looking forward to it being a room filled with life and productivity and a room where I have struck a good balance between me and her.
I know that this is just a room in our house- our house of 12 1/2 years , a house where we have grown our little family and a house that will provide so many more memories for us ....
But it needs to be a home that is not stifled by the things I tell myself I must hold on to in order to keep remembering.
For the memories are truly in my heart.