Sunday, June 19, 2011

Parting Ways

How long is long enough?
What is ok to have an attachment to ?
How do I let go of things?
What should I keep and what should I let go?
These are some of the things I have been grappling with these last couple of days.


We have been trying to come up with a new solution to space in our home.....it is 6 1/2 years since  our Taylor left us and we have not done much with her room ..that is until this weekend.....
We came to the idea that I should move from my purpose built space in the middle of the house down to Taylor's room..
I was fine with that as I could see myself in front of the big window looking out over the garden..I liked the idea of being able to close the door when a project was in full flight, hiding the mess inspiration....
I was even looking forward to being in her space and doing what I love best ..creating....
What I didn't expect was how hard it was going to be moving ,sorting ,packing up and parting with the last of her things.....

I found myself  in the middle of the move almost paralysed with emotion not knowing how to move ahead with this reshuffle.
Derek suggested I do a little at a time...but I had created a mess from one end of the house to the other now I needed to keep going....

I love my new space  even as small and crowded as it is  (due to the amount of stuff I have tucked in there and the things I convinced myself just had to stay in there) .
I just need to look from a different angle and see the potential for the creating with her memory around me rather from the guilt of changing her space and parting with things that were hers...


I love that the room is still purple and her butterfly's still hang around over head.....I need to remind myself that just because we change things that were, doesn't mean that we will forget what was.

I am looking forward to it being a room filled with life and productivity and a room where I have struck a good  balance between me and her.
I know that this is just a room in our house- our house of 12 1/2 years , a house where we have grown our little family and a house that will provide so many more memories for us ....

But it needs to be a home that  is not stifled by the things I tell myself I must hold on to in order to keep remembering.
For the memories are truly in my heart.

16 comments:

  1. And i know you will create some wonderful things that she would love and be in a happy happy place while dcoing it and that has a bit of our Taylor in and you feel good.
    Love you guys
    Merran xx

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  2. What a lovely place to create in. I'm sure you will impart many good 'vibes' while you work there :)

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  3. Oh man.. ((hugs)) What a hard thing to do. Hoe lovely thought that you will be in Taylors space, and that it will start to have some nice new and creative times! All the best x

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  4. 'tears'
    Bron I really feel your pain. That must have been really tough and now I can see why yesterday you needed some air.

    You lounge must be looking bigger now hey?

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  5. And what a gorgeous space you have created for crafting. I'm sure your big girl will be lending a hand by your side from time to time. I shouldn't have read this section at work, now I'm a bit of a mess. Really proud of you both - a difficult and exhausting day but like you say, you have all the memories with you and a lovely new room to spend time in. Love Mel xx

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  6. You have showed such strength and courage in takling this and I know she lives on in your heart and memories and always will.
    Enjoy your new special space.
    Love Mandy XX

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  7. Your post really touched me...and you are so right...the memories are in our hearts...
    Warm greetings from south africa

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  8. wow Bron, what a hard thing to do. You are a strong and courageous woman, your girl would be so proud.
    Jo B xx

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  9. that must have been a really tough thing to do, but now you have created a lovely place for you to be, remember, reflect and now create.
    i hope you enjoy your Taylor Made space :)

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  10. this is such a lovely post bron. you have done a brave thing that i am sure will be liberating, but it must have been a tough job.
    it is so hard to let go of every little physical reminder but your memories of your beautiful girl live in your heart and your memory.
    you will be in her company when you are working

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  11. Wow, that's a tough one. But I am sure you are doing the right thing - keeping the memories yet being practical. I hope you love your new space :)

    Thank you for joining Post Of The Month Club! XOLaura

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  12. Bless your heart. That must have been such a hard thing for you to do. I'm sure your daughter will always be there with the wonderful memories you made together. The things you've kept will help trigger those at odd times when you might need a lift. Thanks for sharing such a personal post.

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  13. It's the difficulty of waking up and walking into the kitchen in a different way than you have for the last twelve years, of greeting a neighbor by a new name, and yet it is something completely different. I wish I had some words for you.

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Thanks for stopping by and saying Hi....I love having your support. I will do my best to pop back to you and say hi. xx

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